A Story of Min
by Gwen Sanderson
Summary: pain, loneliness, betrayal, laughter, tears, and everything but "ever after" all poured into one life. When you're betting everything you've got on one idea, and it turns out you're wrong it can bring you to unexpected places. maybe you'll end up where yo
1. Default Chapter

A Story Of Min  
  
  
In the dim light of the fire, a small girl sat alone and worked. The silence was only broken by the scratching of her quill and the flutter of turning pages. This was not an unusual thing for her to be doing on a Friday night at the Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, even though all of her year was out having fun. Being a first year, you'd expect her to try an join in, but no, she just sat there by the fire, finishing the work she should have been doing in about fourth year.   
  
  
Sometimes she cried, letting out the loneliness that was so deep that only she could feel it. More often she just bottled it, doing so for years and years- until he arrived.  
  
~  
  
By her fourth year Minerva McGonagall had finished all the work given to even the seventh years, and might have just as well gone out into the world, armed with all of the information she had collected. But who in their right mind would allow a fourteen year old to go out and start leading their own life? Definitely no one she knew. So Minerva stayed at Hogwarts, as she had decided to do for the rest of her life, studying to be a professor. She was sort of like an apprentice to the Transfiguration teacher, and took over quite a lot, since he was incredibly unreliable. On the first day of her sixth year, Minerva began to teach two periods of transfiguration a day, when she wasn't in her other classes. The sad thing for her was, not one student realized that she wasn't a professor, and still never tried to be her friend.   
  
  
Being sixteen and not having a single friend, or ever had one before, makes your life extremely depressing. (a/n: we are going back to before her 6th year starts- on the Hogwarts Express, at kings cross station)  
~  
  
  
Minerva, unhappy about having to spend another lonely year at hogwarts, lugged her trunk into an empty compartment, feeling waves of homesickness already. She sat next to the window and stared out, wondering if this year anything interesting would happen. Just as she was thinking that, a soft knock came on her compartment door. Startled by the thought of human interaction, she jumped up, looking at the door.   
  
  
There was a small boy standing outside it, looking rather scared.   
  
"oh," thought Minerva unhappily, " he's just lost, I suppose…"   
  
but, nevertheless, she got up and opened the door. She looked at the boy, wondering if he was really a first year, as he was nearly as tall as she.   
  
" can I sit in here with you?" the boy asked rather quietly.  
  
Minerva looked rather surprised that someone wanted to share a compartment with her and stared at him over the rims of her square spectacles.  
  
" er… all right, it's not as though I was waiting for someone"  
  
The boy smiled and pulled his trunk in, then sat down beside her.  
  
"Remus Lupin," he said, extending a hand.  
  
"Minerva McGonagall," she replied, shaking his hand.   
  
"so, Remus, you're a first year?"  
  
"yea, how about you?"  
  
"I'm in sixth year."  
  
Remus frowned, looking up at Minerva inquisitively  
  
"where are all of your friends?"  
  
Minerva thought for a minute whether to lie to him, but upon looking into his eyes, she decided against it.  
  
" I haven't got any."  
  
"why not?"  
  
Minerva shrugged and looked out the window.  
  
" well, I haven't either, will you be my friend?"  
  
Minerva smiled at remus, who grinned back, and nodded. They spent quite a while talking happily about everything from broomsticks to Hogwarts, to every flavor beans. In the middle of their talk about chocolate frog cards, there came a knock on the door. It wasn't a soft knock but a rather loud bang, and it was only a few seconds before it opened the door itself.   
  
There were two more boys standing there. One was tall (and rather good looking thought Minerva) with long shaggy dark hair, the other a bit shorter with glasses and short messy black hair and brown eyes. The second one was holding a deck of cards.  
  
"anyone for a game of exploding snap?" said the boy with the cards.  
  
The tall one elbowed him  
  
"some gentleman you are, Jamie-boy, you didn't even introduce yourself!" said the tall one rather mockingly.  
  
'jamie-boy' didn't seem to notice he was being made fun of.  
  
" oh, my apologies, I'm James Potter," he said.  
  
the tall one rolled his eyes at James's expense and said, " Sirius Black."  
  
Remus and Minerva introduced themselves and sat down for a game of exploding snap, talking the whole time.  
  
"so what do you do in sixth year?" asked Sirius.  
  
"well, what I do most likely won't be what you do," replied Minerva.  
  
"what's that, then?"  
  
"well… I take potions, astronomy, charms…"  
  
"so? We'll do all that too!" said James.  
  
"…. And I teach transfiguration," added Minerva.  
  
"you what?"   
  
Minerva smiled at the surprised looks on their faces, " yes, I teach transfiguration, mainly first and second year, so I'll probably have you all."   
  
"you can't give us detentions, can you?" asked Sirius nervously.  
  
Minerva nodded  
  
"Awwwwww man…"  
  
Minerva laughed, " I'm not a man!"  
  
"that's right! You're a mouse! Minnie mouse," said James  
  
Minerva looked at them severely  
  
" I am not a mouse, nor will you call me Minnie."  
  
Sirius looked at her smirking, " all right, Professor, we'll settle for Min, Minerva is just plain too long."   
  
Minerva shrugged and decided that sacrifice of her name is a good trade for three new friends.   
~  
At the end of the train ride Hagrid, a massive man who looked a bit alarming in the light of the new moon, allowed 'Min' to ride in the boat with Remus, Sirius, James, and a little boy named peter, whom James seemed to feel sorry for.   
  
When they arrived at the castle all of the boys were awed by the sight of the castle and needed to be pushed by Minerva to stop them from standing, staring, in the entrance hall all night.   
  
Professor Binns showed them into the great hall, where Minerva winked at them and went to sit at the Gryffindor table.   
  
"Artley, Brandon!" was yelled by Binns as a young blonde boy sat on the stool and placed the sorting hat on his head.  
  
"RAVENCLAW!" shouted the hat.  
  
"Attelbet, Sally!"  
  
" HUFFLEPUFF!" was followed with tumultuous applause.   
  
Minerva didn't pay attention for a bit, chatting with Nearly Headless Nick.  
  
"Black, Sirius!"  
  
Minerva's head snapped up as Sirius walked up to the stool and put on the sorting hat.  
  
" GRYFFINDOR!"   
  
Minerva smiled and joined in with applauding Sirius as the first new Gryffindor. Sirius came and sat down next to her, looking rather relieved at being in Gryffindor.  
  
"It wasn't that bad, was it?" min asked, upon seeing the look on his face.  
  
"no, just really nerve-wracking to have the whole hall staring at you."  
  
Min nodded and looked back up at the hat.  
  
"Evans, Lily!"  
  
A rather small, red headed girl with brilliantly green eyes strode up to the hat looking nervous, more so than Sirius. Through the crowd Minerva saw James goggling at her and laughed. Sirius noticed this also.  
  
"aaah, Jamie-boy's only been here a few minutes and he's already got his eye on a girl!" laughed Sirius.   
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"   
  
the girl got up and sit down at the table across from Minerva and Sirius.   
  
"hello," said Minerva, eager to make more acquaintances, " welcome to Gyffindor."  
  
The girl smiled and looked up  
  
"hello, I'm Lily Evans."  
  
"Sirius Black."   
  
"Minerva McGonagall."  
  
They all shook hands and began talking when  
  
"Lupin, Remus!"  
  
"sshhhhhhhhhh!" said Min, her eyes on remus as he walked up to the stool.  
  
"GRFFINDOR!"   
  
Lily, Sirius, and Minerva clapped as Remus sat on min's other side. Lily was introduced and they began discussing families when   
  
"Pettigrew, Peter!"  
  
"that kid was in our boat!" said Sirius.   
  
"Gryffindor!"   
  
there was scattered applause while peter came and sat beside Sirius.  
  
" Potter, James!"   
  
Sirius, remus, and Minerva all had their fingers crossed.  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
there was quite a lot of applause and James came to sit beside Lily.  
  
"er… hello," said lily, looking sideways at James.  
  
"Hello," said James, blushing a bit.  
  
Sirius sighed exasperatedly, " oh great… what a couple you two are."  
  
James hit him from across the table and shrugged, grinning at Lily. Minerva and Remus rolled their eyes. As the night progressed, and they all talked and laughed, it seemed as though life could not be better. How could Minerva have missed out on this before?   
((A/N: sorry this fic is so silly, it's old and outdated- but it gets SO much better, if only my stupid computer will allow me to upload the others- REVIEW please!)) 


	2. new understanding

  
  
The Story of Min, Chapter 2  
  
Tick Tick Tick….  
  
Before breakfast the minutes had gone so slowly, but now, ten minutes late for her own class, Minerva watched them race by.  
She ran down the hall, nearly passing her own class, skidding in front of the door. She looked herself over, straightened her glasses, brushed off her robes, and made sure she had a stern, 'Professor-like' quality about her. And then, taking a deep breath, she strode into the classroom.  
  
A loud whistle was heard from the back of the class, followed by a bunch of giggles.   
  
  
"OY MIN!"  
  
Minerva found herself glaring at the playful face of Sirius Black. She cleared her throat and gave him a death stare. He, not caring a bit, laughed good-naturedly. Getting the hint, Remus smacked him on the arm, caught Minerva's eye, and winked. She smiled back, glad for a bit of support.  
  
She stood up to her full extent and pulled out a roll of parchment.  
  
" Good Morning. My name is Professor McGonagall, and I will be teaching you Transfiguration this year," she looked down at the list and began calling off names, " Sirius Black."  
  
Sirius jumped up, saluted, and shouted, " PRESENT!" sending the entire class into giggles again.  
  
She moved down the list, " Lily Evans," which was met with a raised hand and a small 'here.'  
  
Then, a few names later, " Remus Lupin."  
  
Remus stood, looking as though he was going to pull a Sirius, but instead, nodded, smiled and sat back down.  
  
When she reached James' name a large array of red sparks flew into the air and he yelled, "THE ONE AND ONLY!"  
  
The class was roaring with laughter, and Minerva was trying to hide her sniggers with a stern face, but failing horribly at the task. When they finally calmed down, she made them take a large amount of notes, all through which Sirius was yelling, " AW COME ON NOW! DO WE REALLY NEED THIS STUFF?"   
  
In the end, it seemed that if he hadn't been yelling so much, he could have used the notes to his advantage while he failed to turn his match into a needle. The only one who did well was James, who pulled it off first try.   
~   
  
That was pretty much the way it went in Transfiguration for a few months, Sirius, James and Remus making a scene, lily and the rest of the class laughing. By and by, Minerva hung out with the four of them so much, they might as well have been in the same year, but, unfortunately that wasn't the way of it.   
  
One cold day in December, just a week of so before Christmas holidays, Minerva strode down to her herbology lesson, all the way out to greenhouse three in the snow. She despised having to attend lessons, as teaching them was ever so much easier. In this particular one, they were dealing with a rather dangerous Pugnagladius plant, the plant of the fighting swords. It had swallowed the knives on the battlefields of ancient days, and regurgitated them if you got too close to it. They were supposed to prune it, as this particularly vicious one was extremely long leafed. They, being Minerva and two of her wimpy classmates, did not even want to approach it. Her classmates, pretending to have forgotten something outside, left her alone to deal with the Pugnagladius.   
  
"How generous of them," she thought in fear, armed with only her wand and a pair of pruning shears.   
  
She took a deep breath and advanced on the plant, lunging as she snipped of the ends of a few leaves. Sighing with relief she dropped the sheared leaves into a scrap heap. She readied the shears in her hands and lunged once more, getting the leaves on the other side.   
  
"This isn't so bad," she thought as she tipped the newly severed leaf tips into the pile, "all I've got left is those at the top."  
  
Unfortunately, the top happens to be the most dangerous, and, steadying herself with a breath, Minerva lunged forward. The last thing she saw after the severed leaves and shears fell to the ground was a huge, shining sword emerging from the mouth of the plant, quick as lightning. And then there was blackness.  
~  
  
When she opened her eyes, she saw more blackness.   
  
"oh my god," she thought, " I've died. It's all over. Done with. Way to go, Min, you really, really, really did it this time! What'll people say about me? And today we honor Minerva McGonagall, the girl severed by a shrubbery!"   
  
then she heard a chuckling behind her. Whipping around she saw Madame Pomfrey, and felt a horrendously sharp pain in her shoulder.  
  
"Silly girl you are," said the nurse, still laughing, " severed by a shrubbery!"  
  
"er… I just said that out loud?"  
  
Madame Pomfrey nodded.  
  
"so, I'm not dead then?"  
  
"No, of course not!"  
  
Upon this, Minerva looked around her. She was in the hospital wing, and outside the window faint traces of light were mixing into the blackness above the snow.   
  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Madame Pomfrey hastily pulled curtains around Minerva's bed and went to get the door. Min could still see a bit through the crack.  
  
What she saw made her jaw drop. It was a boy, who looked extremely familiar, standing in the dark threshold of the door. He was covered in a spray of bruises and scratches, rips in his robes, his nose bleeding.   
  
"come in, hurry," whispered Madame Pomfrey as she ushered him in and sat him on the bed next to Minerva. She could still see through the curtain. She couldn't make out his face, it was covered with his hair and Madame Pomfrey was leaning over him.   
  
When she moved away, the boy looked perfectly normal and completely healed as he was handed a goblet of potion. He waited to drink it.  
  
"Thank you, Madame Pomfrey," said the boy.  
  
Minerva gasped, "Remus?"  
  
He turned whiter than a ghost as his goblet clattered to the floor.  
  
"M-m-min?"  
  
Minerva stared at him, gaping. He looked so scared.  
  
"what-what are you…. Why were you all…" minerva stuttered.  
  
Madame Pomfrey rushed up, " In the morning you two!" she said as she pointed her wand at each one in turn and said, " Dormio!"   
  
They fell asleep instantly.  
~  
  
The next morning Minerva awoke, and watched Remus until his eyes opened. He looked perfectly normal until he saw her, then he was back to the pale, frightened expression.   
  
She got up, wincing from the pain in her shoulder, and sat on the end of Remus' bed.  
He, if possible, turned whiter.  
  
She stared him right in the eye.   
  
"Remus, you're not telling me something. I promise I won't get you in trouble, and you can trust me, what is it? Why did you come back hurt like that, where did you go, why did you go there? Remus, why?" she whispered, concerned.  
  
Remus looked down into his hands that were on his lap.   
  
"If I tell you, you won't want to know me any longer," he whispered softly, looking afraid and almost near tears that someone had to find out whatever it was he was hiding.  
  
" I promise, Remus, that I will always want to know you. Always. No matter what happens," whispered Min, looking concerned as to what could possibly be so bad. She placed her hand on top of his and looked into his eyes. " So what is it?"  
  
Remus looked down, his light brown hair falling over his face, and said in the softest whisper imaginable, " I'm a werewolf."  
  
Minerva stared for about a minute, saying nothing in the dark, listening to the silence cut into her, smashing through the calmness like a massive invisible hand, crushing whatever expectations she'd had. She swallowed and leaned over, brushing the hair out of Remus' face. He was crying, silvery tears in his downcast eyes. In a swift moment, he was engulfed in a hug. Then she got up and with only, " thanks so much, Remus," she hopped back into the bed.   
  
There in the dark, face red as a tomato, Remus was alone and confused, rather unclear on what had just happened.  



	3. changes-good and bad

  
  
The Story of Min chapter 3  
  
The same night that Minerva and Remus were in the hospital wing, James and Sirius and lily were in the common room nearly all night, joined by a small, pudgy boy named peter that tagged along every so often.  
  
"Where are they?"  
  
" How am I supposed to know?"  
  
"But you should know, as one of them happens to be your best friend!"  
  
" So?"  
  
"So, where are they?"  
  
" How am I supposed to know?"  
  
With this, an aggravated Sirius shouted, " THIS IS THE 7th TIME YOU'VE GONE THROUGH THIS CONVERSATION!!! STOP IT! IT DOESN'T HELP US FIGURE OUT WHERE THEY ARE!"  
  
James and Lily turned around, shocked, to look at Sirius who sighed. In the end, they all fell asleep, still not knowing where their friends had gotten too.   
~  
  
In the morning there was a very awkward silence between Minerva and Remus. They left the hospital wing together, still not having said anything since the night before, and Minerva looked up at him.  
  
" Would you like to take a walk?"  
  
Remus nodded and they headed out onto the grounds in their cloaks. It was still silent.   
  
"Remus, why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I just couldn't, I felt awful lying, and I still do, but if everyone were to know... well... I'd have to leave."  
  
"I understand."  
  
They walked in silence for a bit, watching the snow fall around them, collecting on everything. Minerva looked around and saw the shimmering white flakes landing in Remus' hair, making him look a good deal older, she pushed away the thought. This was not the time for such things.   
  
"So how do you do it?" said Min, breaking the silence.  
  
"mm? Do what?"  
  
"Get away with the transformations? I mean, of course they can't go on in your dorm room. And if you're just outside, well, you could bite people. So how do you pull it off."  
  
Remus looked up and pointed to the whomping willow.   
  
"See that tree over there?"  
  
Minerva nodded.  
  
" if anything comes near it, it thrashes about and hits it all over. Very, very painful to be hit with one of those branches. Inside that tree is a tunnel, a tunnel to Hogsmeade and up to the shrieking shack. That's where I transform. Madam Pomfrey locks me in and I am unlocked by either her or Dumbledore near dawn," he said in a low voice.   
  
Min looked up into his eyes, " Is it terrible? Er... Painful, I mean, to transform?"  
  
Remus shuddered, "yes, very much so. And most of the time, they come to get me a bit late, and I have to sit there, all alone, cut all over, staring at the damage I've done to myself and the house, just feeling absolutely awful about what I am, and what I am able to do."  
  
For a while, nothing was said. Then Minerva looked up suddenly and said, " you know what?"  
  
Remus just looked at her inquisitively.  
  
" I could come with you."  
  
Remus' eyes widened.   
  
"Are you mad?"  
  
"No, but you couldn't hurt me," she said.  
  
Remus rolled his eyes and gave her a skeptical look, " oh really, and why is that?"  
  
Minerva smiled, " Haven't checked the records lately have you?"  
  
"Records? Records of what?"  
  
"Ministry's animagus records," she said, still smiling.   
  
"You're an...." Said remus, looking shocked an impressed.   
  
With a smile and a small POP, Minerva the tabby cat sat on the ground by Remus's feet, purring. With another POP, there she was again, full height grinning down at him.  
  
"so, how about it, Remus?"  
  
"er... Allright."  
  
As they turned to walk back to the castle, remus looked over at Minerva, " min, please don't tell James and them about this. I'll find the right time to do it."  
  
Minerva nodded and patted him on the back, " I understand."  
~  
  
When Remus and Minerva arrived in the common room, they found a rather amusing scene. James and Lily were sharing a chair, Lily rather sprawled across James, both of them asleep. Sirius was on the couch next to them, a book titled " Pranks and Curses for the Educated Wizard" upside down over his face. And Peter Pettigrew was on the floor, sleeping in a curled up ball.   
  
" Do you have a camera?" whispered Minerva.  
  
"Nope, too bad, though," replied Remus, chuckling to himself.  
  
Min shrugged and went to the windows, opening the drapes, letting sunlight shine over the four sleeping Gryffindors.   
  
"ACK!"   
  
Sirius seemed to be able to sense light through his book and rolled off the couch landing on poor Peter who squeaked and jumped up. Peter's squeak roused James, who, upon seeing Lily, lying on top of him, turned beet red and looked shocked. Sirius laughed at James, waking Lily. Lily, still not awake, looked at James and toppled off the chair with a bit of an " EEP!" as she blushed scarlet on the floor.   
  
Within seconds Remus and Minerva were having trouble standing up, they were laughing so hard. Lily and James were too busy blushing and grinning sheepishly to notice that Remus and Min had even arrived.   
  
It took about 10 minutes even for Sirius to see them.  
  
"oy, Remus? Where've you been?"  
  
Remus didn't even look like he'd thought before saying , " felt a bit ill last night, went to the hospital wing."  
  
James shrugged, " and you?" he addressed towards Minerva.  
  
"Herbology accident," she replied, rolling up her sleeve to the cut on her shoulder.  
  
They all nodded and went down to breakfast.  
~  
  
It were excuses like these that held out for the rest of Remus, James, Sirius, Lily, and Peter's first year. They never even seemed to wonder. It was an odd thing. But it seemed to work.   
  
Over the summer Minerva was homesick. How odd, she thought, to be homesick while at home. She got frequent letters from Sirius and Remus, a few from Lily, several from James, but being apart from her friends made her feel a bit like herself before she had any - alone, and rather bored and sad. That feeling left for a brief period of time every time she received a letter, but was very strong in between them.   
  
One morning in late august, while Minerva was eating breakfast, two large tawny owls flew straight through the window of her kitchen and onto the counter. She opened the bigger letter first.  
  
  
Dear Miss McGonagall,  
  
We would like to congratulate you on becoming head girl,   
enclosed is your badge, and it is to be worn at all times during your  
stay at Hogwarts. Thank you, and we expect to see you September the   
first.   
  
Professor Dumbledore   
  
Out of the envelope fell a shiny silver badge with the words Head Girl engraved upon the top. Behind that there was the usual list of books.  
  
Ecstatic with the news, Minerva ran upstairs told her parents (That are my girl, Minnie! You show 'em!) and ran back down, crashing into things like a maniac. Then the caught herself.  
  
"do stop it!" she thought to her self, "you're being ridiculous! Running around like that, absolutely unacceptable."  
  
Then, remembering she had another letter she headed back for the kitchen. Sitting at the counter, she tore open the letter. It turned out to be from Remus.  
  
Dear Min,  
How've you been? Well, I hope. On Saturday we (Sirius, James, Lily, Peter and I) are going to Diagon Alley to buy school stuff. Send your response back as soon as possible!   
See you soon,   
  
Remus J. Lupin  
  
Minerva smiled and ran up to ask her parents. With their approval she scribbled, " yes, please, thanks remus!" and sent it off with the owl.  
~  
  
Come Saturday morning, min was running through her house looking for her wallet, when a large thumping noise and some squabbling came from her living room. Sirius, James and Remus were on the floor of her living room, covered in soot and coughing. When she walked into the room, and saw them, she had to lean against the wall she was laughing so hard.   
  
"You really should clean that fireplace Min," coughed James.  
  
She just laughed more. Finally, she tried to calm down and gasped, " well, I'm not the one covered in soot, am I James?"  
  
He just stared at her. Then she used a spell to remove the soot from them, and decided to get going. After stopping by at Lily's and peter's they were off to diagon alley.   
  
It seemed that today was just the day for everyone to do their school shopping. They met a few older kids in Flourish and Blotts and had lunch in the Leakey Cauldron with Arthur Weasley and his girlfriend Molly. Everything seemed to be perfect.  
  
When they tapped the bricks to enter diagon alley again, a horrid scene met their eyes. There were people lying on the ground, still as the cobblestone they were on top of, surrounded by crying, shocked or nervous bystanders. The sky, gray with rain clouds, had 4 glittering smoke signals, or so they looked, floating above the alleyway. They were a bright, acid green color and shaped into the form of an evil skull, a snake protruding from the mouth.   
  
Minerva looked around, dumbfounded at the scene before her. What had happened to these people? Where was the skull coming from? Who had made it? What was the purpose?   
  
Panic stricken and worried, Minerva, Remus, Sirius, Lily, Peter, and James had turned around and quickly used floo powder to return to their houses. No one had any reason to stay there longer.  



	4. death...destruction... AND reunion

Story of Min Chapter 4  
  
As Minerva spun around in the fireplace on her way home, horrid pictures flooded her mind. She prayed that what she'd just seen was a dream, which never happened. When she fell out of the hearth onto her knees she could only hope that everything was all right in her house too. When she walked upstairs, her father was hurriedly scanning a section of the daily prophet, her mother looking worried in a chair next to him. When she entered the room, her father engulfed her in a backbreaking hug and as she struggled to breathe she could hear her mother's voice in the background   
  
"Oh, Minnie we're so glad you're not hurt! I should never have let you…"  
  
When her father released her and she could breathe again she replied, " Mum, I'm perfectly allright- nothing even happened to any of us. We were very responsible."  
  
Her parents gave her skeptical looks.   
  
"Really! We were!"  
  
"Fine then, Minnie, if you say so. Run along now, go find something to do."  
  
Minerva sighed and, giving her mother a kiss, walked outside. In the garden, by the small blue pond, she sat on a bench and thought while her fingers dragged through the warm summer waters.  
  
"Why can't they ever believe me? I just don't understand it. I'll be seventeen soon, and still, I'm treated like a ten-year-old. I've never acted immaturely…. What did I do?"  
  
It was thoughts like these that kept repeating themselves for several hours. Even after sunset, Minerva didn't go inside. She just sat there, thinking for hours on end.   
  
Suddenly, in the dark, she heard footsteps, not far away. In fear, she transformed into a cat, looking warily around. There was a crowd of men in black capes and masks, seemingly entering her house from the back door. They had their wands out, and she assumed they were robbers.   
  
With bated breath, she sat in her cat form, her paws shaking with terror, waiting for them to come out, hoping they would just take anything they wanted and leave. Tears mingled with the tabby fur on her face, silently she cried in her fear. While she sat there it seemed like an eternity until she heard a sound from inside.  
  
There was a shriek, followed by a thud of something heavy falling. Then the same shriek, though louder, followed by another thud, and silence. Minerva hid herself, curled up, under a tree and stayed completely still, keeping her eyes squeezed shut. She sat there by that tree, all by herself for several terrifying hours, until her weary eyes closed and she drifted into a light sleep haunted by nightmares.   
  
When she woke, dawn was breaking over the hillside. There was silence all around and nothing moved. She felt as though the world was deserted, and looked around the woods frantically. Quickly, she rose up and ran into the house, slipping slightly in the dew.   
  
Her heart was beating so fast it was fluttering, her feet pounding on the grass. When she reached the door, she found it ajar, and peeked inside. She saw nothing. Quietly, she walked up the stairs, avoiding the steps that creaked, and the rug that always tripped her. Her eyes shifted from left to right, searching for her parents.   
  
When she came to their bedroom, she found this door ajar also. She opened it, and looked in, expecting to see them there, hoping they'd be sitting around, reading, talking, anything. But instead, shock and dread hit her like a heavy weight swung in her face. There were her parents, lifeless on the floor. Numbness spread over Minerva's body, and she dropped to her knees. Silent tears poured down her cheeks as she kneeled there, her mother and father's cold hands in hers. A beacon of sunlight flooded the room, and lit their faces. They looked terrified.   
  
Time seemed to be frozen, for as she sat there for hours, crying her eyes out, Minerva felt that she'd only been doing so for several minutes. Finally, hours later, she rose up to her shaky feet and did the only thing she could think of. She owled the two person she trusted and needed most now.   
  
Professor dumbledore,  
  
My parents have been murdered. I am alone. Please help me. No one is around. I'm afraid.  
  
  
  
At this she paused. She had never admitted this to anyone before, but now, she supposed she had nothing to lose.   
  
Please hurry with a type of response.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Minerva McGonagall  
  
  
  
  
As the letter and the owl carrying it flew away into the horizon, Minerva stood and watched, numb and alone, feeling terribly cold and devastated.  
  
~   
  
After that day, Minerva dropped her childish manner. She stopped laughing, smiling, or even being happy unless it was unavoidable. She lived at Hogwarts, no longer in the Gryffindor tower, though she was still a student. She only left her room for meals and classes, and attended no social gatherings. Sometimes she sat in the staff room, but found the company of anyone uncomfortable and awkward. She shunned her friends and stayed by herself, though she loved to watch other people.   
  
Of all the people she watched over the years, she watched Remus the most. On the full moon, she would transform into her cat form, and follow him to the shrieking shack from afar. She hid and watched him, remembering when they were friends. She ached to talk to him again, but could not give up her stubborn pride and tell him why she had left him alone for so long.   
  
So she watched James, Lily, Sirius, Peter, and Remus grow and prosper, teaching them what she could. She felt an emptiness that was new now, different than the old pangs of loneliness. It was deeper, and worse, and came most often when she saw James and Lily or when she saw Remus by himself. She could not place the feeling, or explain it, but she shared it with no one.   
  
After James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter left Hogwarts, life for Minerva became duller than before, but she began speaking with the faculty, and had daily conversations with the headmaster, thinking not much more of her friends. She loosened up a bit, but her teaching stayed the same, strict and fair.   
  
When James and Lily passed away, she mourned for weeks, and longed to take their child rather than those muggles he'd been sent to. She was not even considered as a foster parent by Dumbledore. Probably, she thought, because James and Lily had become rather distant from her.   
  
But when Harry came to Hogwarts, though she wanted to, she could not go up to him and talk, or treat him differently than other students. She helped him onto the quidditch team, which she thought was an honor to James's memory, for he would have wanted it.   
~  
  
Just before start of term one year, she was having a discussion with Dumbledore about the faculty and new positions this year.  
  
"So, who's the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor this year, Albus?"  
  
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, " A new one, for sure, Minerva. Never taught yet."  
  
Minerva raised her eyebrows, " Really…"  
"How odd," she thought. "Usually Dumbledore hires experienced professors." But she shrugged it off.   
  
~   
((A/N- everything that happened in the 3rd book- erase from your minds- I'm going about it my way, and this is Harry's third year- just, none of it has happened yet and I'm not planning on copying the prisoner of azkaban into my fic. So, pretend it never happened and read on!J ))  
~  
  
On the morning August 31, most of the teachers had arrived, and were busy unpacking, setting up classrooms and more. The house elves were setting up the great hall for the banquet and Dumbledore was re-checking the list of students for the sorting.   
  
Minerva, dressed in her usual green robes, hair up, hat on, spectacles straight, was carrying a very large amount of books from the entrance hall (where they'd been delivered from flourish and blotts) to the library. Owing to the three very tall stacks in her arms, she could not see very well, and ran headlong into someone entering the hall. She landed on the floor, covered in spell and reference books, her glasses knocked off in the fray.   
  
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I didn't see you," said a male voice from somewhere above her.   
  
She squinted up at him, and groped around for her glasses. He handed them to her and she placed them, once again, on her face. Before her she saw a man in rather dusty, patched black robes, with light brown hair, and tired eyes crouching down to help pick up the books. She stood up, dusted herself off and pulled out her wand. Instantly, the books soared into three neat piles at her feet. She looked up at the man.  
  
" Thank you," she said, looking at his familiar face and wondering how she knew him.  
  
" Not a problem," he replied with a grin, " By the way, er… sorry to ask, but, do I know you? You look so familiar…"  
  
Minerva frowned in thought, " I was about to ask you the same thing."  
  
The man extended a hand, " Remus Lupin, pleased to meet you."  
  
Minerva goggled at him as he stood there.  
  
"Remus? Remus Lupin?"  
  
Remus looked absolutely bewildered, " er… yes."  
  
Minerva looked him up and down, " no. You're not Remus Lupin. You can't be."  
  
Remus raised an eyebrow, and smiled, " well, I am… can't do anything about it. But who are you?"  
  
Minerva looked up at him and replied, " what? You can't guess?"  
  
Remus just looked more confused.  
  
"Well, if you are Lupin, you sure have lost your touch. And your memory for that matter, since I only taught you for seven years."  
  
And with that, she popped into her cat form and back again.  
  
" Professor McGonagall?"  
  
She gave him a quick smile. " Welcome back Remus."  
  
She picked up the books and said as she walked away, " well, I must be going, Dumbledore is in the great hall, I believe, he'll show you to your quarters, and explain things to you. Goodbye." Her voice faded away with distance, and Remus stared after her until she turned a corner out of sight.   



	5. memories and beginnings

  
Story of Min Chapter 5  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, places, anything whatsoever- I'm sorry I forgot the disclaimer before- please count this for all of them. Don't sue me- I'm broke.  
  
  
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.  
  
The eagle feather quill hit the mahogany wood of the desk over and over again, keeping in time with the grandfather clock in the corner.   
  
Minerva stopped tapping and put the quill back in its place. She was deep in thought, not unusual, and slightly confused, which doesn't happen often. After a bit she couldn't take the silence and, needing to hear a sound somewhere, began to voice what was happening in her head.  
  
" That was odd… that man must've been kidding around… he couldn't have been… because Remus is… well… Remus… and he wouldn't… well, he'd have every reason to… argh! Now this is ridiculous, this is!"   
  
Then she sat down in her chair again, and opened a drawer of her desk. She shuffled through the papers, books, tablets, etc. until she found what she was looking for. With a bit of tugging, she pulled out a very new, untouched-looking red photo album, which, had it not been covered in a blanket of dust, seemed as though she may have bought it that very day.   
  
She set it on the desk, and slowly blew the dust off the cover. Then, with cautious hands, she opened the book and looked at the first page. There was only one picture. It was a picture of her in sixth year at Hogwarts. There were three boys and a girl around her. On her left was James, smiling, blushing and linking arms with lily. And on her right were Remus and Sirius, laughing at some seemingly witty joke they'd just made up.   
  
Minerva smiled at the picture, and the photo form of herself winked at her before turning and laughing with Remus and Sirius. She sat and thought of how she wished she could laugh like that again. Then she looked at the following pages of the album. They were completely blank. With downcast eyes, she remembered the day when she bought the album, Remus by her side, and had said that it would be bulging with pictures of them and their friends.   
  
A pang of guilt and pain struck her and a lump formed in her throat. When she snapped the book shut, a single tear hit the red cover, leaving a clear, round splat in the remaining sheet of dust.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Minerva went through the next month barely acknowledging that and old and treasured friend of hers was in the same building, working at the same job as she. She casually talked to him every so often, just the same as the rest of the faculty. He might have been any stranger to her, the way she acted. But inside she longed to talk to him, but couldn't drop her stubborn ways and tell him why she'd stopped talking to him, or everyone for that matter, in the first place.   
  
Dumbledore seemed to think that, given the opportunity, Minerva would explain everything to Remus. So he made sure they sat near or next to each other at the high table each day, and covered each other's lessons when one was unable to make it, and small things of the sort. But it was all for nothing, for neither seemed to notice it. Remus seemed to take interest in wanting to talk to Minerva, but just stared at her from far away, or down the hall, never actually approaching her.  
  
~  
  
The day of Halloween, before noon, when the teachers were preparing the Great Hall for the annual feast, Minerva was transfiguring all kinds of small figures into live bats, as Professor Flitwick charmed them so they'd fly in an orderly fashion. Just as the bat (formerly a fork) she'd just finished transfiguring flew off, and she reached for the next knick-knack, she realized she had a bat in her hand. Someone had beat her to her task.   
  
'how odd…' she thought.  
  
"Hello," said a voice directly behind her.  
  
She jumped, startled, and whipped around. Remus was standing there, wand in hand, smiling.  
  
" No need to be so jumpy, I'm just trying to help."  
  
Minerva sighed.  
  
"Hello," she said, giving a rare smile, " you can have that pile over there, if you want to help." She pointed to a pile of trinkets directly to the right of where she was standing.  
" Thanks," said Remus, as he walked over to the pile, giving a sideways glance to Minerva, who blushed and looked back to her spoon.  
  
About an hour later, when all the decorations were finished, Minerva sat on a bench by the door, resting for a bit and rubbing her eye, glasses in hand. To her surprise, she felt something drop into her lap, and hastily put on her glasses, and looked down. It was a clean, white envelope of thick parchment, with not a word on the front.   
  
She looked around her. There wasn't a single person left in the hall, and she hadn't heard an owl. She took her fingernail and slit the envelope open in a clean cut. Inside was a neatly folded note on the same white parchment. She took it out and, unfolding it, looked at it very closely. It was a short note, written in neat handwriting in the middle of the paper, and signed with three small letters at the bottom.   
  
  
  
Minerva~  
  
Meet me in the entrance hall at 2:30 p.m tomorrow. I'd really like to talk to you.  
  
R.J.L  
  
Minerva stared down at the letter in her hand, deciding what to do. 


	6. 

A story of Min Chapter 6  
  
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is not mine. Please do not sue me…I have no $.  
  
A beacon of silver moonlight flooded through the open window, the long, scarlet curtains fluttering in the cool October breeze. Sitting in a chair before the window, staring up at the sky, was Minerva. Her long, raven black hair flew behind her in the wind. In her hand, crushed between the windowsill and her palm, were a pair of glasses and a creased piece of parchment. It was textured with many cracks and creases, having been folded and unfolded numerous times in the day.   
  
"What am I supposed to do now? He wants to talk to me…talk to me about what? Why does he want to talk to me now? He had six years to pull me over for a chat after I stopped talking to him in first year!" she thought, checking the note over again, nearly hysterical.  
  
Then she stopped, and took a deep breath.  
  
"all right, all right, calm yourself, Minerva…he probably just wants a friendly talk or something…" she said to herself aloud.   
  
With that, she decided she was being ridiculous, worrying about something so silly. She stood up, brushed off her robes, and shut the window.   
  
Before she got into bed, she took a long look in her mirror. Then she just shook her head at her reflection and blew out the candle.  
  
~  
  
At 2:15 the next afternoon, Minerva strode into the entrance hall, her nose in a book, and sat on a stool she mindlessly conjured by the door. To her surprise, a large hand landed on her shoulder.  
  
Not suspecting anyone to be here yet, she jumped, startled, and turned.   
  
"You are scared easily, aren't you?" Said Remus.  
  
" well, not all of us expect people popping up behind them all the time, you know," she replied, slightly blushing.  
  
Remus shrugged and motioned towards the door  
  
"Shall we?"   
  
Minerva rose and walked out with him. The leaves on the trees were changing various colors, and they floated down to the ground in the wisps of chilly wind. In silence, Remus and Minerva walked through the grounds. When they reached the lake, Remus pointed towards a bench and they sat down.  
  
Minerva looked cautiously over the rims of her square spectacles into the eyes of her friend.  
  
"What was it you wanted to see me about, Remus?"  
  
" I'd like to know a lot of things, some of which I should have asked you long ago, and I didn't want to have to continue wondering for years."  
  
Minerva swallowed and averted her gaze to the golden leaves drifting from the trees onto the glassy surface of the lake. In a quiet voice she asked, "what is it that you want to know?"  
  
Remus placed his hand on top of hers  
  
" I want to know why you stopped talking to Sirius, James and I, why you stopped writing. Why you avoided us, and everyone else, and why you still do."  
  
Minerva sighed and looked down at the grass below her feet.  
  
"no one ever told you, Remus?" she said thickly.  
  
Remus looked bewildered, " what? Tell me what?"   
  
Minerva swallowed once more and took a deep breath. When she looked up, her eyes were shining with tears.  
  
" The summer before my seventh year, and your second, my parents were murdered. It was that very day we came back from school shopping, and the people were killed in Diagon alley. I came home and had a small argument with my parents about responsibility. M-my father accused me of being irresponsible, and that it was unfair to jeopardize the lives of young children."   
  
With this, Minerva's voice faltered and she looked down again. Remus was listening with rapt attention, sorrow in his eyes.   
  
" and…and then I rushed out of the house and sat near a pond. W-when I came back… well, they were…"  
  
Minerva looked up again, silent tears leaving clear tracks on her cheeks.  
  
" I promised I would never be unfair or irresponsible again. And I just disconnected myself with the world, and dedicated myself to my classes, as I had done before meeting you. I'm so sorry Remus. I was just so…afraid."  
  
With that Minerva covered her face in her hands and inwardly scolded herself.  
  
"stop being so ridiculous," she thought, " you've moved on. Life is fine. You don't need friends, or Remus, and you don't cry! You never cry! Never!"   
  
Right then and there Minerva decided that if she could ever get inside her own head, her first notion would be to kick the crud out of that inner voice.  
  
Remus felt horribly relieved. He knew that he shouldn't be relieved, for his friend was on the bench beside him crying, but he just couldn't help it. He was so glad that the reason she shunned them was not his fault that he had to struggle to keep from smiling and laughing aloud while he held Minerva in a hug.  
  
"come on now Min, its all over and done with. Ignoring everyone, never laughing or showing emotion, and hiding away in your little corner won't help," said Remus in a soothing voice, " you were the first friend I ever made, and I don't want you to be another that I've lost."  
  
Minerva looked up into his eyes, and as her gaze met his, something stirred that she'd never seen before. It was as though he was looking right into her, but she didn't mind. In fact, for the first time in years, she smiled and laughed, forgetting whatever promises she'd ever made to herself. 


	7. snow at night

Story of Min Chapter 7  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic, please do not sue me…that would be horribly bad.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
The sun was setting outside the window on a Saturday evening in December as the icy wind was whistling through the trees of the forbidden forest. The snow was layered over the ground like a blanket and the lake was frosty with bits of ice floating upon the glass-like surface. Golden light from the sun and the windows of the Hogwarts castle reflected off of the virgin snow while the moon began to drift out from behind the clouds.   
  
Inside her room, Minerva McGonagall sat on her bed, the fire in the hearth warming the chamber. She opened her bedside cabinet and pulled out what looked like a stack of photos and some tape. She then reached for what she had gone down to her office to retrieve. It was a red book- a picture album, dusty but unused, which only housed one photograph. Minerva opened the book to its second page and began to fill in the leaves of paper with the photos and writing.   
  
When she thought she had finished, she looked around and   
found that there was one picture left sitting on her bedspread. It was a photo of her and Remus sitting in his office, having tea. He had a teapot in one hand and his other arm around her shoulder while he smiled. She had been holding her cup in her hands and her face uplifted to his while she grinned in a half smile.   
  
Looking down at this last picture, Minerva ran her finger over the glossy plastic and smiled. Forgetting about taping the photo in the book, she closed her eyes and sank back into her pillow for a moment, not worrying about anything. As she fell asleep, the picture floated out of her half-opened hand and onto the floor, behind a stack of old textbooks.  
  
The next thing she heard was a knocking sound on her window. After checking her watch (12:03) she opened one eye and saw nothing, so she dismissed it and lay down again. When she heard the tapping once more she rearranged her glasses and looked up fully. Outside her window, on a broomstick, was Remus Lupin.   
  
With an eyebrow raised, and a sarcastic smile on her face, Minerva got up and opened the window.  
  
" How are you this evening, madam?" said a laughing Remus.  
  
" Quite alright, thanks… Can I help you?"   
  
" Well, of course. I was wondering if you could tell me how to get to Bermuda, for I believe I've taken a wrong turn somewhere…" said Remus cynically, " really, I came to ask if you'd like to come outside."  
  
Minerva eyed him questioningly  
  
"In the middle of the night?"  
  
" of course! Snow fights- haven't you ever had one?"  
  
Minerva shook her head  
  
"well, then I insist. I'll meet you on the grounds outside the entrance hall in a few minutes," said Remus before flying off.   
  
Minerva hurried to her closet and put on some warmer robes. She pulled off her hat and let down her hair so she could manage her earmuffs, grabbed a warm cloak, and hurried out to the grounds.  
  
When she opened the door of the entrance hall, she saw something she definitely hadn't expected. Remus was standing about 3 yards in front of her, holding a large snowball. He looked as though he were just about to release it and send it flying at her face when he'd stopped. He stood there with a rather thoughtful look on his face, as though he were considering something that had never quite occurred to him before.   
  
Minerva walked up to him looking concerned.  
  
"Remus? Reeeemus? Oy?" she said softly.  
  
But he just sort of stood there, staring, for a bit. Taking this time while he was standing around, Minerva leaned down and shaped some snow into a round sphere and chucked it right at his face.  
  
" ACK!!" spluttered Remus as a handful of snow smacked him in the face.   
  
"well, hello to you too," chuckled Remus as he wiped the slush off of his cheeks.  
  
"what were you doing standing around like that? You were staring right in my direction."  
  
In the dark Minerva couldn't see him, but he had turned a rather deep shade of red at that comment.  
  
" oh…er… that. Well, I was just thinking, and I was about to hit you with a snowball when…well…I don't know…I got rather…distracted."  
  
Minerva looked at him inquisitively. But when she opened her mouth to say something a ball of ice-cold snow hit her full on between the eyes.  
  
The night continued in this manner, sneak attacks of snowballs and such, until around three or so in the morning while Remus fell asleep behind a bush he was hiding in.   
  
"goodness, we are so immature, acting like children. Snowball fights! How ridiculous!" said a voice in Minerva's head as she magicked Remus into the air and carried him with her.   
  
"but then again," said another voice, " it was an amazing time!"  
  
Minerva decided she'd stick with the second voice, and walked until she found herself at her quarters. She was about to go in, but then she realized Remus was still floating in midair behind her, asleep. She shrugged and said the password to her portrait and floated him up the spiral staircase to her little apartment-like living quarters.   
  
She roused him from his sleep just enough so that he would go into the bathroom and change out of his wet clothes. But after doing so, oblivious to the fact that he was not in his quarters, he plopped back onto the couch in the sitting room where he'd been before, and fell asleep again. Sighing, Minerva threw a blanket over him and went into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.  
  
~  
  
The next morning, Remus awoke to find himself in an unknown place, dressed in pajama pants and a sweatshirt that didn't belong to him, and by himself.   
  
"How curious," he thought, confused, "all I remember is having a snowball fight…"  
  
Then Minerva strode into the room, her nose in a book, fully dressed. She didn't notice that Remus was awake at all, she just sat down and continued reading. Then she looked up and smiled.  
  
" Finally awake?"   
  
Remus answered with a grunt of affirmation. Then he remembered what he meant to ask.  
  
"Where are we? Why am I here? How did I get here? What time is it?"  
Minerva raised her eyebrows and handed him a cup of tea.  
  
" We are in my living quarters, you are here because I don't know where yours are, not to mention how to get in, I brought you here last night when you fell asleep outside in the snow, and it is 11:32," answered Minerva. " there's toast and juice on the table, and your clothes are drying in the bathroom- that's the second door down the corridor on the right. I have to go see Dumbledore for a meeting, I'll be back in a bit. If you want, you may eat and show yourself out, whatever you'd like, but I must go. Goodbye," and with that she snapped her book shut, placed it on the counter, and walked out the door.  
  
" How odd," thought Remus, " she just leaves me in her house? Strange…"  
  
Remus, not wanting to overstay his welcome, ate his breakfast and got dressed, but when he was about to walk out the door, he saw a red photo album sitting on the floor by the table, and picked it up. He looked through the pictures and when he reached into his pocket (he usually had numerous odds and ends sitting around in there) he found two small photos. One was the same one on the first page of the book, and the other was old and crinkled with lines, creased from folding it into places. It was an old snapshot of Minerva sitting by herself on the grounds, unhappily spying on Lily and James in their sixth year as they sat by the lake together. Remus quickly pasted the snapshot into the book and scribbled underneath it with his quill:  
  
I was watching the whole time.  
  
Then he closed the album and left it where he'd found it, and left the room. 


	8. betrayal and glory

  
A Story of Min Chapter 8  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but Ella. Please don't sue me. That would be very bad.  
  
((A/N: this story has taken a COMPLETE turnaround from what I had started out writing it as, I'll even have to change the summary. I just had a kind of flash of inspiration last night, and it all sort of fell into place. Unfortunately for some people- this will not be a fairy tale thing where they just realize at the same moment that they love each other and fall into one another's arms (ICK). That would be just too surreal. So, enjoy reading- and please please please review. Thanks!)) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As the months passed Minerva and Remus's friendship became stronger than any friendship they'd shared with anyone. Minerva was finally content with living, happy to be who she was and where she worked. Remus was glad to have someone who loved him, someone he could trust.   
  
But, amidst this cast iron bond of friendship there seemed to be a bit of something odd. Something that didn't belong, like four left-handed gloves and nothing on the right hand. Though they seemed to know everything about one another, both of them knew there was something they didn't want to tell.   
  
One night in early February after they had went to the three broomsticks for dinner, this thought seemed to have struck Remus. He looked into the fire, though he didn't really see the flames as his eyes glazed over in thought.   
  
" I don't understand it," he thought, " I spend so much time with Minerva, but every so often, things just get…awkward. I never remember that sort of thing ever happening with my other friends."  
  
"But then again, when my other friends closed the door of their room after a night out, I didn't feel like some kind of balloon inside me had abruptly deflated…"   
  
" What is this all about? What are you trying to hint to me!!!" Remus yelled to the flames, as though expecting an answer.  
  
With that, Remus sighed and shook his head, " Remus, you are finally losing it," he said softly to himself. Then he stood up, pulled on a cloak and strode out of his room.  
  
~  
  
The thick slice of silver moon illuminating the midnight sky threw its beams upon the slowly walking figure of Remus Lupin. Figuring he had just needed some air, he had walked out of the castle, and was now circling the perimeter of the grounds. His feet shuffled upon the frozen earth beneath his shoes, and his hands were balled up in his pockets for warmth. Looking at the little chunks of frozen dirt scuttle across the ground they came from, he clearly didn't see another person walking towards him and was dumbstruck as they both recoiled, letting out yells of pain.  
  
"Who's there?" asked Remus, staring around him.  
  
" I'm down here, and who are you?" said a voice at about his feet.  
  
Remus pulled out his wand and lit it. The beam fell upon a thin woman with astonishingly blue eyes and long chestnut brown hair that fell in waves down the back of her teal traveling cloak.   
  
" I asked you first," said Remus defiantly.   
  
" Allright, allright. I'm Ella Cromwell, and I live in the village. Who are you?"  
  
"Remus Lupin," he said, extending a hand to help her to her feet.   
  
" Well, what are you doing out here? It's the middle of the night and-   
  
The moon had cast a silver beacon over the two of them, and Ella's blue eyes met Remus's cautious ones. She was cut off, and drew in a sharp breath.  
  
" Are you allright? And what?" he asked, his brow furrowed.  
  
But she seemed to have lost her train of thought  
  
"Hmm? I'm sorry, what?"  
  
Remus just sighed and looked around. Without looking into his eyes, Ella seemed to remember what she had been saying.   
  
" oh, I was asking what you were doing out here, and where you'd come from," said Ella, staring up into Remus's face.  
  
" Well, I was taking a walk, you know, thinking about things. I live at Hogwarts- I'm a professor."  
  
Then he and Ella just began talking, not realizing the time or place, or the fact that they were now walking together. As dawn broke, they promised to see each other again, and hurried back where they'd come from.  
  
~  
  
Days, weeks, and almost months went by, and Minerva started to wonder why she was suddenly seeing less and less of her dear friend Remus. Sure, they spoke at meals, and occasionally went out together, but quite often Remus declined her offers of outings, saying he was busy, or he had work, or that he had something else to do. She usually dismissed it, not really thinking about it and swallowing her disappointment. Minerva also wondered why Remus was so out of it all of a sudden, quite unlike his usual self- always knowing exactly what to say, to sense her very feelings and to make her feel better when she was down. And even when Remus himself was troubled and Minerva tried to cheer him up, Remus found something else to do or somewhere else to go. Even at his transformations he was a different person than he had been. He seemed so preoccupied, so dazed. Minerva was slightly scared by the person he'd become, and was confused by the abrupt change.  
  
Remus was very confused. He went and saw Ella all the time and he told himself that he loved her, as he told her. But he was also just as sure that there was something missing, and it seemed very important. He felt that this relationship was tearing him apart from the inside, but it somehow felt good. He didn't know quite what it felt like to love someone, and though he knew deep down, he couldn't quite label it. All he knew was what he felt for Ella felt so odd, but not what he'd expected. He felt so distant with her, even though he was always trying his best not to be. He just thought that what he was feeling must be love, and this distant feeling…well, he assumed it would pass. He battled with himself whether to tell Minerva about Ella, but never decided to do so. He just felt so horrible whenever he thought about Minerva in those days, even though he didn't know why…he felt almost guilty, for reasons even he didn't know.  
  
~  
One warm night in early June, when Remus had (as usual) declined an offer of dinner with Minerva, and had given the excuse that he "had a lot of work and would be grading all night" Minerva finally decided she couldn't take it.   
  
"He's my very best friend…" she thought.  
  
" you wish he was more," said a little voice in her head.  
  
"NO I DON'T!" said Minerva, rather loudly, even though she was sitting in her room alone.   
  
" all right all right, miss denial, don't get your knickers in a twist," said the voice again.  
  
" But he's my best friend, and I don't know what's going on, or why he's avoiding me," she thought, trying to get back on track.  
  
So, deciding that this was finally the last straw, she got up and walked down to his office. She was positive she'd find him there and talk to him about this whole ordeal. When she reached the door and knocked, she got no answer.   
  
"How odd," she thought, before magically unlocking the door.  
  
When she looked inside, what she found was (to her) even stranger. The papers Remus had said he was grading were stacked in a neat pile upon his desk, and when she looked at them, they were all graded. She assumed he had finished, so she headed up to his quarters.  
  
" I wonder why he would tell me it would take longer then it did…" she asked herself as she gave his portrait the password and entered.   
  
Upon checking through here and calling for him, she found that Remus was not here at all. Luckily she had not seen the picture of Remus and Ella that had been sitting on a chair nearby.   
  
Minerva felt confused, more confused than she had been in quite a long time. She walked back to her quarters and sat on her bed.  
  
"Why did he lie to me? Why would he? Is there something he's hiding from me?"  
  
Long after hundreds of questions such as these, Minerva fell into a light sleep, troubled by thoughts that were flitting through her head.   
~  
The next day after breakfast, in a period that both Remus and Minerva had free, Remus approached Minerva in the hall and took her hand.  
  
"Can we talk?"  
  
Minerva was greatly surprised by the look in his eyes. He looked almost nervous, as though something was bearing down on him. She was even more surprised by him coming up to her, for she supposed that if she wanted to speak to him, she'd have to track him down.  
  
" Yes, there are a few things I'd like to speak to you about too, Lupin," Minerva replied coldly.  
  
If her cool tone or implication of something he didn't understand confused Remus, he hid it well. He just pulled her up to his office and offered her a chair as he sat down himself. She refused and stood in front of him.  
  
He just stared blankly for a moment until he looked back to Minerva.  
  
" you can go first, what did you want to speak to me about, Minerva?"  
  
" Why have you been lying to me all this time!" said Minerva, so loudly she might have been screaming. The pain and betrayal was visible in her eyes. And she was shaking, whether with rage or with the pressure of holding in tears.  
  
The statement shocked Remus so much, he looked as though she'd slapped him across the face. He just stared at her. He'd never seen her like this before, and it seemed to leave him dumbstruck.  
  
" You've been telling me all these lies! How could you? Have you no conscience? What was so important and secret that you would lie repetitively to your best friend to hide whatever it is? Well, maybe I'm not your friend at all! Maybe you…maybe you were just lying to me again and making me think that! How can I believe you again? How, Remus? How? I-I trusted you, I trusted you with everything I could…"  
  
With those words she turned away from him, apparently finding she was unable to go on. She bit her lip and breathed heavily.   
  
" Minerva, please. I'm so sorry, you're right. It was wrong, horribly wrong, and I asked you to come talk with me today to explain it all to you," said Remus, having found his voice. He put his arm around her and led her to a chair. " Just hear me out. If you hate me when I'm done, then so be it, but just hear me out."  
  
Minerva nodded, though she felt as though her insides were fighting to get out of her, and anger and pain were rippling through her like waves on a stormy sea.  
  
So Remus told her all about meeting Ella and that was why he'd been lying to her, so he could go see Ella without having to tell Minerva that was where he was going.   
  
" And there's something else I need to tell you," said Remus.   
  
Minerva nodded. She seemed to have completely lost her powers of speech for the time being, but her eyes (had Remus cared enough to look) would have given her thoughts away quite easily.  
  
" Ella and I are to be married."  
  
With that statement, Minerva opened her eyes so wide it looked as though she was a goldfish.  
  
" E-excuse me?" she choked out.  
  
" I said we're to be married- Ella and I," repeated Remus.  
  
If lifelong happiness came in sheets of paper, the look on Minerva's face then would have implied that Remus had just torn that paper to shreds. Remus didn't seem to notice.   
  
Minerva looked up at Remus, meeting his eyes with hers rather moist.  
  
" er…congratulations. Well, I-I should be erm…going," she croaked hurriedly and jumped from her chair, and hastily rushed from the office. She broke into a run at the end of the hallway and ran all the way back to her quarters. There she didn't even bother to worry about her classes, she just flung herself onto her bed and cried. Hot tears rolled off her face and onto her pillow as sobs racked her body. Once she thought she'd heard the click of her door opening and closing, but thought nothing of it as she cried herself to sleep.  
  
The next morning at breakfast Remus didn't see Minerva there. Her reaction to his explanation the day before seemed to have roused him from his ignorance of her, for he hadn't been doing it purposely. He looked around the table with concern, thinking maybe he didn't see her, since she's not the kind of person to miss things. But, when he looked to her usual seat, he saw nothing but an empty chair.  
  
" I wonder what's wrong," thought Remus, " I hope she's not ill."  
  
After breakfast, Remus walked up to Minerva's quarters, gave the password and walked in. It was seemingly empty. When he went to the door that would lead to her bedroom, he found it closed. And when he turned the handle, it wouldn't move at all. He put his ear up to the wooden door, and tried to hear what was inside. A rustling of blankets and a few sniffles reached his ears.   
  
"Minerva? Are you in there?" asked Remus in a worried voice.   
  
While he listened again he heard all movement stop. Then he heard someone, " n-ndo, I'b dnot," in a quiet voice.  
  
Remus, even more worried, leaned against the door, " Minerva? Are you alright? Can I come in?"   
  
There was a bit of a pause before, " ndo, ad ndo. Let mbe be," floated through the hard wooden door. Then he heard the rustling sound again and something he couldn't distinguish…it sounded like crying. With that he sighed, and pulled a piece of piece of parchment and a quill from his pocket and scribbled:  
  
dear Minerva,  
  
Please feel better, I hate to see you (or rather hear you since you won't let me in) like this. If you're ill, you should go up to the hospital wing, because its unhealthy for you to go without medication if you are. But if you need anything, you know where I'll be. Get well soon, alright? Love,  
  
Remus - P.S- I'm sorry again for what I had to tell you yesterday . Please forgive me.  
  
With that he folded up the note and slipped it under the door. As he turned to go he heard Minerva blowing her nose and then her voice, clear once more saying, " Remus, wait."  
  
Remus spun on the spot and faced the door. It still failed to open but her voice was closer, she must have been standing right behind it.  
  
"Thank you Remus, though I am not ill, I'm glad you cared. Thanks for coming, but I just don't want to see anyone right now."  
  
Remus walked back to the door, " Minerva, please- tell me what's wrong. Please, I want to help."  
  
" Remus, I can't talk to you about it. Actually, for now, I think it would be best for me to…to n-not talk to you at all," said Minerva, losing a bit of her calm nearing the end.   
  
Upon hearing that, a pang of pain and guilt sounded in Remus's chest, and he heaved a sigh. So he turned and walked out, troubled and confused.   
  
After his classes, which he halfheartedly ran through, Remus sat by the lake. He sat on the same bench he and Minerva had talked on so many times, and they had learned so much about each other there. They had hid behind that bench just months before, dodging snowballs and laughing. But now, on the bench, it was just Remus, by himself. He stared at the glassy surface of the lake, the bright colors of the setting sun reflecting in shimmering shades of pink and gold. He felt so empty inside, even though he knew he shouldn't be. He was getting married- shouldn't he feel happy? Remus didn't understand it himself.   
  
Just when Remus thought things couldn't possibly get more befuddling he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up into the twinkling eyes of Albus Dumbledore.  
  
"Hello, Remus," he said softly, sitting beside him.  
  
"Hello headmaster," replied Remus in a bit of a monotonous voice.  
  
" Is everything alright?" asked Dumbledore, frowning at the look on Remus's face.  
  
"yes…er…no." Remus looked out over the water, to where Minerva's window was on that side of the castle.  
  
" worried about her are you?" said Dumbledore, a knowing smile playing on his lips.   
  
" how did you -  
  
"Remus, you don't know what your getting into there. She's not ill, and its not something poppy can cure for her," said Dumbledore somberly.  
  
Remus just looked more confused, " but…then what is it? What's going on?"  
  
Dumbledore stared right into his eyes, " Remus think. Was she locked in her room two days ago? What has happened lately that includes you that might cause her to do that? What is changing her life, pulling her back into what she was before she befriended you again this year? And what could be causing her to go to this extreme?"  
  
Inwardly, Remus answered every question and suddenly understood.  
  
" good heavens…I-I … she…you're sure?" stammered Remus.  
  
" I've never been more sure," said Dumbledore as he stood and turned to go. And there he left Remus, alone with his thoughts.  
  
Remus remembered the first time he'd seen Minerva- on the train, on the way to Hogwarts in 1st year. She was his very first friend and he was hers. He remembered looking through the glass door of the compartment at the short, thin, pale girl with the flowing raven black hair and piercing eyes. And her smile and how much she'd taught him. He remembered how they were reunited again this year, even when he thought he'd never see her again. And how she'd cried and laughed once more, all because of him. How could he have missed her, how could he have passed her by? She is the perfect person- beautiful, smart, funny, and she loves him. And then it struck him, the thought beat into his head as though powered by a bolt of lightning. He loved her too.  
  
That awkward feeling they'd had- it was shyness! How could he have misinterpreted it all so badly?   
  
" look what I've gone and done!" he yelled at himself inwardly, " I went and left the one I really love and abandoned her for someone else! No wonder she doesn't want to speak to me! I'm horrible! I really have to go fix this…"  
  
With that, Remus jumped up from his chair and ran as fast as he could to Minerva's quarters. When he got there, panting and gasping for breath, he found a note on a nearby chair.  
  
To Whom It May Concern  
  
  
I have decided that I have nothing left to wait around for, nor anyone to share my life with. I have found it to be true that I really don't matter to anyone. The only friends I've ever had are either dead, in prison, or driven away by my own foolishness. Maybe I'll meet up with some old friends on the other side. My will is at Gringotts and if anyone cares to look at it, they may. I give my thanks to Albus Dumbledore and Remus Lupin, for saving me for a while from what I am about to do now.   
  
Sincerely,  
  
Professor Minerva McGonagall  
  
The letter fell out of Remus's hand as he shouted at the top of his lungs , " MIN!" and ran along the corridor to the bathroom. He skidded in front of the bathroom doorway only to see Minerva lying on the floor. One of her limp hands had a cut from the tip of her thumb to the center of her palm. She was sprawled on the floor, her robes and black hair fanned out behind her. There was a small silver potions knife lying on the ground just below her bleeding hand. Remus quickly crouched down and lifted two of his fingers to her neck. She definitely was breathing and had a pulse. Remus guessed she had aimed to cut further with the knife but fainted at the sight of her blood (Minerva had always been slightly afraid…well, very afraid of the sight of blood). And he also assumed that she had cut herself just as he'd walked in the door, since there was still blood trickling out of the shallow cut.   
  
Remus pulled out his wand and strapped up the cut, and then picked up Minerva and carried her from the bathroom. He put her on the couch and spread a blanket over her, and went to clean up the bathroom. When he came back she had still not awoken.   
  
"Ennervate," said Remus, pointing his wand at Minerva. She stirred a bit in her sleep and opened her eyes.   
  
" Oh god, am I forced to relive this moment forever? I knew it, I knew it! I was a horrible person and now I'm in hell!" said Minerva, speaking her thoughts with her head in her hands.  
  
Remus chuckled and Minerva thought, " I don't remember him laughing…"  
  
" Minerva, you're not dead."  
  
" urgggh. Why not?"  
  
" Well, first of all, you made your cut in the wrong place," said Remus as Minerva stared at her bandaged hand, " but even if you hadn't I would've still been here. I'll always be here."  
  
Upon hearing the last sentence Remus said, Minerva bit her lip and looked down, " no. you won't."  
  
Remus smiled weakly at Minerva, "Minerva, you don't understand- that's what I meant to tell you, what I raced up here to tell you. You see, I realized that…" he trailed off, afraid to say it.  
  
Minerva had looked up and was looking into his eyes intently, inwardly praying for what she was hoping he'd say, " realized that what?"  
  
Remus returned her gaze and it seemed to make him more determined to say what he was about to say, " I realized that I'm marrying the wrong woman."  
  
Minerva's eyes became incredibly round.  
  
" What are you getting at?" she asked, even though she really understood.   
  
" I mean, it's not Ella that I want to marry," said Remus, looking down.  
  
Then he looked right into her eyes and took a deep breath,  
" It's you."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The very next day, Remus went to see Ella, and called off the engagement, he said that he didn't want to put her through anything that wouldn't last. Remus proposed to Minerva on the same bench in front of the lake where they had shared so many memories, and she accepted, laughing as Remus jumped up and tripped, rolled down the hill and fell with a splash into the lake, which only made Minerva laugh harder as she went to help him out.   
  
The day before they were to be married, Minerva was sitting in her room (she had lived at Hogwarts year round ever since she was 16) looking through the picture album that kept the pictures of her and Remus, Sirius, James, Lily, etc. Recently a large amount of pictures had been added, but as she looked through the book in the first few pages she saw that two pages had been stuck together. As she pulled them apart she found a picture in there she had never seen before. It was a picture of her of her spying on Lily and James. Underneath it was written, " I was watching the whole time." The writing was in a hand that could only be Remus's. Now Min was sure that this was the man she was meant to marry. 


End file.
